Untold
by NatureSauvage
Summary: There are things you wish to tell, screaming on the roof or whispering in the night. Then there are things you want to keep secrets at all cost. And there are those that can’t be said, no matter how much you wish you could.


This is intended to be a collection of short stories from ideas that crossed my mind. I kind of like them but couldn't get enough ideas to make complete stories out of them.

Thank you for reading it.

_I don't own any of the characters of those stories_

* * *

I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could repair all the errors I made. But, on the other hand, it's those mistakes that made me who I am now.

I was a spoiled brat, the only kid of a very wealthy family. By spoiled I didn't mean I was happy. My parents ignored me the largest part of the time, except to punish me; for being too kind mostly. Sometimes they reluctantly took my upbringing in hand, to fill my head with their ideas of the grandeur of the Malfoys, and the importance of the purity of the blood. But I always got anything I wanted. Until you.

When I first saw you, in that damn dressmaker shop, I immediately wanted you. At the time I did not try to find out why, but later, much later, I understood it was your vulnerability and your courage that appealed to me. You were alone, and, even for me, it was obvious you weren't used to that place, but you stood your ground.

And later, when I learned who you were, it gave me a good excuse to look for you. Malfoys couldn't associate with anybody, but the Great _Harry Potter_ wasn't anybody. I offered you my friendship that day, on the train. I was so sure of my superiority. For an 11 years old Draco Malfoy, who was used to command and request, an offer was the most kindness you could expect.

You hurt me when you refused my friendship. I had never been hurt that way before, and I resented you for it. I couldn't understand why you refused to be my friend. In my young mind, corrupted by my parents' ideas, it was a great honor to be my friend. At first I wanted to hurt you, like you hurt me, but I discovered fast enough it was your attention, I wanted. I wanted you to look at me so much. Everything I did, to you or your friends, was mostly so that you noticed me.

When you were made seeker, I was green with envy. I wanted so much to shine so that you saw me. I wanted to be special, but every opportunity seemed to fall on _your_ laps. So, when I became old enough, I made all I could to become a seeker too. I wanted to impress you with my money and power. I wanted to have what you had, but a small part of my mind hoped that if we had something in common, it would be easier to get closer to you. As you know, it didn't work. I was puzzled. None of my usual method worked. It was then I started to doubt my upbringing.

I began spying on you. When you weren't looking, I observed how you interact with your friends. And slowly I started to understand. I discovered real kindness, and trust and so much other thing I had never though could be so great. I wanted to feel them too, but I didn't know how. It's not as simple as it seems to change. But the most important thing I discovered was love.

Of course at twelve, I was too young for love, it came later. I can't tell the exact moment, I began loving you, but I remember the night when I understood that I loved you. It was a cold January night, during our fifth year; I was shivering in my bed. I never got used to sleep in the cold rooms under the lake. I was fantasying of sharing my bed with a girl. Her soft body warming mine... but slowly, in my half-asleep mind, her hair became shorter, her leg stronger. She became you. And it felt so damn right. But Merlin, I hated it. I hated to love you. Maybe if we had been friends, I wouldn't have developed that obsession, and it wouldn't have brought me to love you. I will never know.

I'm sorry for all the pain, I caused to you and your friends. I know I shouldn't have done it. Even at the time, I realized it wasn't right, but it was the only way I could deal with all those conflicting sentiments. And there was the pressure of my _dear _friends. You can't imagine how mean Slitherins can be. Well maybe you can, butI had to _live_ with them. And there was my beloved Father, expecting me to act that way. I spent nights and nights crying in my bed over those things, but every time I got the chance, I couldn't resist the urge to get your attention. By any means.

And I have to admit it, it helped me feel better knowing you were suffering too, even if was not for the same reasons. Because I felt bad. I was wrong to love a boy, it was unnatural, unhealthy. I was meant to love a girl, a pure blood girl. I tried, oh Merlin, I tried, but I couldn't. By the time I came to fully realize that it couldn't be help, that I had to change in order to win you, it was too late. I had been sold to the enemy.

I never wanted to become one of them, but it's not an "offer" you can refuse if you want to see the sun go up the next day. I never was a hero, I'm not like you. Maybe I should have let them kill me... I don't know. There were times I wished I was dead, but now I am pretty glad to be alive. Maybe I was supposed to go down that road, maybe it was the only way to redemption. Sometime, even if you're drowning, you have to touch the bottom to be able to get your head out of the water.

Then there was the war. You save my life that day. Twice. I guessed you didn't hate me that much at that point, because I'm sure you wouldn't have lifted a finger to save Snape. When it was all over, after you killed the bastard, as I was sitting with my parents, I understood this was a new page in my book. I had got the chance to start over. My father could never use the treat of Voldemort again, I could safely ignore him, and I did.

I changed from that day on; I could allow myself to a bit of kindness here and there. Not too much it would have been suspicious, but bit by bit I managed to gain your trust. I even became a bloody Auror, just to work with you. And I used what was left, of the once great, influence of my father to be teamed with you. We are a great team, I think. You are impulsive and I tend to be more considered, we balance each other. We work better than you and Weasley, anyway; we're not fighting every minute.

I have known for a long time that we weren't meant to be together. I'm even married, it was more to appease my father than anything else, but we're getting along fine. She knows I don't love her, but I respect her and I try to be kind with her. And I can't deny I love my son. I have great hopes for him. I wish he will remember what I taught him; respect, equality. Maybe he can even escape Slytherin. I'm hoping for Ravenclaw; I think Gryffindor would be a bit overwhelming for Lucius.

I'm trying to go on with my life, but that didn't mean I've stopped loving you. Maybe one day it'll go away, but I hope it won't. It was my love for you that made me a better man. And maybe when we'll be old, very old, when it won't matter anymore, I'll tell you. Just so you know that you helped making the world a better place, even more than you taught. Maybe one day I will find the courage to tell you.

_I loved you. And I still do._


End file.
